so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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