i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
