So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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