If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
