I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
