This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
