I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
