Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
