I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I smell like Dick and happiness
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
