He kissed a someone with a penis
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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