Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Who died my cat blue again?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
