i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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