Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
