there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
