i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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