My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
