yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
