hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
