i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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