Plan B is the new Plan A
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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