I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
