Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
