if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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