Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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