I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
This is the high leading the old right now
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
