i wish there were pregnant emoticons
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
