Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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