Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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