I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize