i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize