...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
