i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
