yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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