So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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