Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
foreskin is a definite game changer
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
