Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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