yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
