I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
