Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
