I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
