who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My vagina is very pro this idea
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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