I can text with my tongue
our cab driver is having phone sex.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
