Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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