girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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