She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
