I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
