Can i not drive my cunt home
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
