just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
