your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize