Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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