I just saw a hot homeless man
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
bring money and cleavage
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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