This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
