So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
