Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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