i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
