her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize