Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize