I can text with my tongue
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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