As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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