When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
