I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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