turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
