I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
