So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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