his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
